So close but yet so far – a tale of an overseas Pakistani
A bigger portion of my life has been spent abroad. Being born and brought up away from where you actually
belong creates a lot of hassle for one. It may sound as a cliché but I have
been one of those Pakistani’s who have spent her life protecting the honor of
her country, having to have dealt with a lot of queries arising from the
situations occurring back home.
Yes, I have been called a terrorist a ‘zillion’ times, if not
in jeopardy then mostly out of humor. It had become an inside joke perhaps
where my mates coming from other countries referred to me as a terrorist and I
giggled and replied to them saying ‘ Yes you better stay away from me, I have
got a bomb attached!’.
I guess I had no other way out, than involving myself in the
humor and being laughed at. You know as they say,it is better than having to
throw an angry face at almost everyone commenting.
The Indo-Pak cricket matches were a war in itself, which in
my case were more of a handicap match than anything else, a dozen Indians
against a handful of Pakistanis. Surprisingly as I grew up, I realized that not
only Indo-Pak matches but in fact, in any match with green flag being raised on
one side, was a call for a tussle.
If I wore western people would ask me out of astonishment as
to how I got permission to do so and if I wore eastern people asked out of
sympathy how I had no freedom. Very little understood the fact, that how we
dress is an individual’s choice and has nothing, absolutely NOTHING to do with
one’s country! (By this time, having to have recalled everything, I am truly
frustrated. Sigh!)
Then it was time where I had to go back home and complete my
higher education. For people wondering why I chose to do so, it was solely my
father’s decision, where he thought his children needed to connect with their
home and understand the patriotism he felt towards Pakistan.
And I thought it was time to be honored for all what I had
faced. I felt like a soldier coming from a battlefield, waiting to be praised
and awarded.
I joined The University of Karachi to pursue my bachelors in
the field of Mass Communication, the university considered to be the best at
it. Although I happen to disagree with that but then that’s a whole different
issue to talk on.
Moving on, I went about introducing myself and of course my
introduction included where I came from. For about a month or so all I had been
saying was ‘Hi, I am Nisma Chauhan and I am from Muscat, Oman.’ And for God’s
sake people it is Muscat not the Muskan chowrangi outside KU!
Anyway, I thought it would take me a moderate time to adjust
BUT to my amazement it took me more than that.
When in start, everyone happened to discuss about the
situation in Pakistan and everyone’s opinions were acknowledged. However, many
thought my suggestion or outlook of the picture wasn’t important or valid since
I had not experienced it the way they did. I wasn’t physically present in the
country to have a right to comment. Really???
After the struggle and the constant arguments I had to face
in order to protect Pakistan’s dignity, all I was left with ‘Oh! Aap toh yahan
par thi hi nahi, aap kaise bol sakti hai.’
Remember how I mentioned above that I felt like a soldier,
by this time it had all gone down the drain.I began to doubt my father’s decision;
I began to doubt my own decision of having spent time answering people asking
about the situation in Pakistan.
How am I supposed to feel connected and patriotic towards a
country whose people don’t consider me one of them?
That is one question I haven’t still been able to figure out
but in my defense, I don’t think I would ever stop building a positive image of
Pakistan, but would I consider myself to be a patriotic? I feel, only time
could tell.
14 comments:
It's wonderfully written Nisma. You've defined your feelings with such clarity.
I think you are more patriotic than most of the Pakistani living in Pakistan itself. :)
You write really well.ive gone through the same struggle, except i add the irony of being a kashmiri, so paki call me indian, indians call me a terrorist and kashmiris call me an outsider and outsiders call me kashmiri. 'Na
ghar k na ghhaat k' ... iA khuda khair karega
Great job :*
Pakistanis are an asset for the country, and hence their patriotism should not be called into question.
well, so far nicely written.
So nostalgic.
Beautifully presented. Lovee it
Read my mind, as an overseas Pakistani I face similar problems...
very well written nisma..
Nisma its reality indeed :)
Well well Nisma seems tohave beatenme to it. As one of Nisma's old classmates I can definitely relate. More so since I'm a dual national. Try having both an American and a Pakistani passport. My ownroommate jokingly calls me a homegrown terrorist :-p When I was a kid it used to be teasing and taunts as to how I wasn't one of "us". Hey like I picked where I would be born. BUt I am rather grateful. To be perfectly honest I do believe that the majority of Paksitanis living overseas are much more patriotic than those back home. I've lived a good part of my life both in and out of Pakistan and that is my observation, not just a defensive statement. What's that proverb about not knowing what you've got till you've lost it? We who have been on the outside looking in have strived for our identity whereas the rest of us were born into it and take it for granted. Don't take me wrong. I don't begrudege the people of this country for their attitude. In such harsh times who can blame them for complaining. We can shout out ideals to be positive and to move forward but it isn't so easy. Its true us overseas pakis are a bit different from the rest of you, maybe more set on principle and high ideals than we should be considering not all of us have experienced the hardships that you guys have but then the same goes for you. You haven't seen what it's like on the other side. So for my part I'm gonna go back to those high ideals (yes, you may call me naive :-p) and try to remind everyone that living in or out of Pakistan doesn't change the fact that you are once, and hopefully for all, a pakistani. We may be all different but we are all the same as well. Our only hope, infact, is to be one, for otherwise doom is imminent.
Wow this got long. I'll just leave all of you with a few curious observations. Pakis living outside can almost never have a proper conversation with another Paki without slipping into Urdu and that in itself proves how deep our identity is ingrained into us (and I've noticed its different in some people when I'm back home as if speaking in anything other than english is a social stigma. No judgements though, as I dont know their reasons). Also as most of the boys out there will vouch, push an overseas paki into a tense or violent situation and they will without even thinking resort to the crudest of curses known in Urdu, Punjabi, Sindhi, Pusho or whatever. In real trying situations you will rarely find a Paki talking in anything but his own native tongue and that for me is a beautiful reminder of who we are.
Sorry for wasting everyones time and Nisma I hope you pull through and make us all proud cz you are a soldier. A soldier of Pakistan :D
Well written indeed.
Perks of living abroad, you should enjoy it while it lasts! I guess their reaction is natural since they are the ones enduring hardships and we weren't there to experience them, but then again our job as an overseas Pakistani isn't easy either. We defend Pakistan no matter what, its an odd exchange kind of like the yin-yang. Good read.
Very Well Written (Y)
true to the core
very insightful about the experiences of pakistanis living abroad. provides a unique point of view that many people won't be aware of. loved it. also, this was so funny: "And for God’s sake people it is Muscat not the Muskan chowrangi outside KU!"
it is also very interesting to read how you deal with feeling patriotic towards pakistan but at the same time feeling like you don't belong. your piece conveys the subtle complexities that are present in the concept of patriotism
Wonderful!
Being at the receiving end of all the gratitude feels encouraging. And I do agree with what Basim said, but then again we are know one to judge. Our situations may be the same but circumstances differ and Manal your case sounds more complex. I hope people back home start accepting us as one of them because we are indeed soldiers in our own sense.
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